{"id":47,"date":"2012-12-22T22:15:00","date_gmt":"2012-12-22T22:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/maribranze.ro\/maribranze\/?p=47"},"modified":"2015-10-14T17:21:49","modified_gmt":"2015-10-14T14:21:49","slug":"nu-va-urma","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.maribranze.ro\/maribranze\/nu-va-urma\/","title":{"rendered":"(Nu) Va urma"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00cen folderul cu Br\u00e2nze scrise (aka operele inventate de mine de-a lungul timpului), am un folder care se cheam\u0103 \u00cenceputuri_BRILIANTE_de_continuat.<\/em><\/p>\n

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Din p\u0103cate, dac\u0103 titlul nu era suficient s\u0103 sugereze asta… scrierile \u0103stea nu vor mai fi, probabil, niciodat\u0103 continuate. Pur \u015fi simplu pentru c\u0103 nu au fost scrise la timpul inspira\u0163iei lor. A\u015fa c\u0103 postez aici ni\u015fte \u00eenceputuri.<\/em><\/p>\n

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Adev\u0103ra\u0163ii amici nu sughit\u0103<\/span><\/div>\n
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Po\u0163i s\u0103 te ab\u0163ii din str\u0103nut, po\u0163i s\u0103 te ab\u0163ii din c\u0103scat, po\u0163i s\u0103 te ab\u0163ii din tu\u015fit; dar ei dr\u0103cia dracului, din sughi\u0163 nu te po\u0163i ab\u0163ine nici dac\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i zice papa. C\u00e2nd \u00ee\u0163i vine s\u0103 sughi\u0163i, \u00ee\u0163i vine; \u015fi tre’ s\u0103-i dai drumul, chiar dac\u0103 e\u015fti \u00eentr-un loc cu densitatea popula\u0163iei comparabil\u0103 cu a p\u0103duchilor, dac\u0103 dep\u0103\u015fe\u015fti cu dou\u0103zeci de centimetri \u00een\u0103l\u0163imea medie alocat\u0103 sexului t\u0103u \u015fi, mai ales, dac\u0103 \u00eencerci din tot sufletul s\u0103 evi\u0163i pe c\u00e2t posibil pe amicul \u0103la scund \u015fi b\u0103g\u0103cios care miroase \u00een permanen\u0163\u0103 a Fr\u00fcst\u00fcck.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
Eram pe sc\u0103rile rulante care duceau la etajul 3; \u015fi amicul, P.Orc, pe cele paralele care \u00ee\u0163i deschideau calea spitirual\u0103 c\u0103tre 2; \u015fi \u00eemi cobor\u00e2sem direc\u0163ia vizual\u0103 de la 1,93m la 1,80, pentru a nu putea fi sesizat. Totul decurgea mai mult ca perfect (ignor\u00e2nd cele 4-5 holb\u0103ri de la ni\u015fte domni\u015foare deranjate); \u015fi ete na, odat\u0103 m\u0103 love\u015fte releva\u0163ia divin\u0103 sub forma unui h\u00e2\u00e2\u00e2c <\/i>omniprezent, omniscient \u015fi om-nimicitor.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
Trebuie neap\u0103rat s\u0103 caut pe net s\u0103 v\u0103d care sunt condi\u0163iile necesare \u015fi suficiente s\u0103 se produc\u0103 rezonan\u0163\u0103; pentru c\u0103 niciun om de pe lumea asta, indiferent de gradul de prelucrare a propriilor corzi vocale, indiferent de \u00eenzestrarea genetic\u0103 sau de structura acidului dezoxiribonucleic, nu poate fi capabil, el singur-singurel, f\u0103r\u0103 ajutor auxiliar, s\u0103 scoat\u0103 un sunet a\u015fa apocaliptic. <\/span><\/div>\n
\u00cen fine; \u00eemi extrag eu disperat mobilul, m\u0103 fac c\u0103 scriu o epopee roman\u0163at\u0103 (uit\u00e2nd c\u0103 l-am l\u0103sat \u00eenchis \u015fi, prin urmare, e \u00een moarte clinic\u0103); lumea r\u00e2de, eu m\u0103 fac minuscul (adic\u0103 de \u00een\u0103l\u0163imea lor), mi-e fric\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 uit \u00een lateral, \u00eendur c\u00e2teva secunde a c\u0103ror durat\u0103 tinde la infinit, ajung la dou\u0103 trepte distan\u0163\u0103 de suprafa\u0163a orizontal\u0103, \u00eendr\u0103znesc s\u0103 expir aerul protest\u00e2nd din pl\u0103m\u00e2ni, m\u0103 \u00eentind\u2013 <\/span><\/div>\n
\u2013Heeeeeeei! HEEEEEEEI!<\/span><\/div>\n
\u00cemi mu\u015fc limba; P.Orc m-a v\u0103zut; \u015fi acum urc\u0103 \u00een sens invers pe scara lui rulant\u0103, d\u00e2nd la o parte ni\u015fte babe indignate \u015fi \u00eenaint\u00e2nd cam \u00een triplu timp \u015fi efort.<\/span><\/div>\n
Sunt \u00een mare dilem\u0103; s\u0103 m\u0103 concentrez asupra inhib\u0103rii sughi\u0163ului #2 sau asupra mim\u0103rii atitudinii de \u201en-am auzit, nu cunosc?\u201d Debitez mult prea mult; \u015fi, inevitabil, le ratez pe ambele. E clar; sunt un om nenorocit. <\/span><\/div>\n
Amicul m\u0103 ajunge din urm\u0103, m\u0103 \u00eembr\u0103\u021bi\u0219eaz\u0103, \u00eemi d\u0103 cu cotul \u00een stomac; eu m\u0103 auto\u00een\u0163ep cu acul de la cureaua de la ceas, pentru a avea o surs\u0103 mai acaparatoare de nepl\u0103cere.<\/span><\/div>\n
Lumea, evident, must\u0103ce\u015fte pe seama noastr\u0103.<\/span><\/div>\n
Sughit din nou; P.Orc, care-mi ajunge cu capul numai p\u00e2n\u0103 la buzunarul de sacou, \u00eencepe s\u0103-mi \u00een\u015fire ni\u015fte metode ocultiste de a sc\u0103pa de inconvenien\u0163a asta; simt cum \u00eemi suprasolicit neuronii s\u0103 g\u0103seasc\u0103 o scuz\u0103 plauzibil\u0103 de adio.<\/span><\/div>\n
Zic:<\/span><\/div>\n
\u2013P., amice, mi-ar pl\u0103cea s\u0103 stau la taclale, da’ am o grab\u0103 \u00een mine…!<\/span><\/div>\n
Mi se r\u0103spunde:<\/span><\/div>\n
\u2013Omule, omule, d\u0103-o naiba de trab\u0103, \u015ftii c\u0103 po\u0163i s\u0103 apelezi mereu la m\u0103re\u0163ul P.Orc!<\/span><\/div>\n
\u00cemi l\u0103crimez intern a autocompasiune; n-o s\u0103 mai scap de el nici \u00een dou\u0103 ore.<\/span><\/div>\n
Ne a\u015fez\u0103m la o mas\u0103 de McDonald’s; eu \u00eemi iau o \u00eenghe\u0163at\u0103 s\u0103 scap rapid; P. Se \u00eentinde la Big Mac Size XXL. <\/span><\/div>\n
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Albert Zweisteine<\/span><\/div>\n
Albert Zweisteine, de profesie zoolog, specializare lei africani (un fel de rud\u0103 obscur\u0103 \u00eendep\u0103rtat\u0103 cu cel\u0103lalt Albert, fizicianul) nu crezuse niciodat\u0103 \u00een legendele autohtonilor. Printr-un accident bizar implic\u00e2nd o giraf\u0103, o lantern\u0103 \u015fi un rinocer, \u00eens\u0103, Albert Zweisteine \u00ee\u015fi pierduse ceea ce se cheam\u0103 cel mai mare dar divin \u2013 via\u0163a. Cum \u00eens\u0103 \u00een \u00eentreaga sa existen\u0163\u0103, Albert fusese un r\u0103zvr\u0103tit \u015fi un original, sufletul s\u0103u hot\u0103r\u00e2se s\u0103 nu transcead\u0103 dincolo, ci s\u0103 se supun\u0103 obiceiurilor b\u0103\u015ftina\u015fe \u2013 re\u00eencarn\u00e2ndu-se \u00eentr-o hien\u0103 p\u0103tat\u0103 adult\u0103.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
Exista o problem\u0103 major\u0103, totu\u015fi \u2013 sufletul domnului hien\u0103 Zweisteine \u00ee\u015fi p\u0103strase \u015fi ra\u0163iunea uman\u0103. Exista \u015fi o problem\u0103 secundar\u0103 \u2013 individul c\u0103ruia \u00eei luase Albert locul se afla cel mai jos pe scara social\u0103. \u015ei, \u00een sf\u00e2r\u015fit, mai era \u015fi problema minor\u0103 \u2013 domnul Zweisteine, care, \u00een cursul existen\u0163ei sale umane, ar fi r\u00e2s \u015fi numai dac\u0103 \u00eei ar\u0103tai un deget, se trezea deseori pe spate, izbucnind \u00een hohote incontrolabile, \u00een timp ce creierul s\u0103u se \u00eentreba dac\u0103 nu \u0103sta era secretul vie\u0163ii \u2013 s\u0103 r\u00e2zi p\u00e2n\u0103 mori.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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\u00a0F.Ort & LeNe<\/span><\/div>\n
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\u2013F. Ort, sunt dezam\u0103git de tine.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
\u00cen sala tronului p\u0103trundea o lumin\u0103 difuz\u0103. Fretele meu, \u00eensu\u015fi principele Prog Res, renun\u0163ase la toate normele de conven\u0163ionalitate \u00een a m\u0103 adresa. Ceva mirosea ur\u00e2t de tot.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
\u2013Toat\u0103 ziua te suce\u015fti \u015fi te r\u0103suce\u015fti, te zba\u0163i \u015fi te \u00eenv\u00e2r\u0163i, chinui \u015fi te chinui, c\u00e2r\u00e2i \u015fi te m\u00e2r\u00e2i! tun\u0103 Prog Res, \u00een toat\u0103 m\u0103re\u0163ia func\u0163iei familiale \u015fi publice pe care o \u00eendeplinea. A\u015fa ceva nu mai \u00eenainteaz\u0103!<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
Cumva, mi\u015fc\u0103rile must\u0103\u0163ii sale de mors\u0103 m\u0103 distr\u0103geau complet de la subiectul conversa\u0163iei… dar fratele meu p\u0103rea s\u0103 nu observe.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
\u2013Trebuie o schimbare! Trebuie un nou scop! Ai nevoie de o nou\u0103 mentalitate! continu\u0103 el, o ven\u0103 puls\u00e2ndu\u2013i energic \u00een t\u00e2mpl\u0103. \u00cen via\u0163\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 \u015fi evoluezi!<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
Mi\u2013am mu\u015fcat nervos limba. Conversa\u0163ia asta o aveam destul de des de la o vreme… \u015fi partea proast\u0103 e c\u0103 nu eu o dominam.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
De fapt, dac\u0103 stau s\u0103 analizez situa\u0163ia detaliat, fratele meu nu putea fi scos din starea sa de pasivitate profund\u0103 dec\u00e2t de ni\u015fte mini-macarale intelectuale atent direc\u0163ionate. Din p\u0103cate \u00eens\u0103, una \u00eei nimerise tocmai \u00een musta\u0163\u0103 de cur\u00e2nd \u015fi \u00eei afectase tot sistemul sinuzoidal…<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
Cu dou\u0103 luni \u00een urm\u0103, pincipatul nostru tocmai aderase la Uniunea Examinal\u0103, dup\u0103 \u00eendelungi proteste ale mult civilizatului Vest \u00eempotriva sistemului nostru de guvern\u0103m\u00e2nt expirat. \u00cen calitate de principi, eu \u015fi fratele meu trebuise s\u0103 particip\u0103m la o gr\u0103mad\u0103 de tratate \u015fi congrese, care mai de care mai extraordinare \u015fi mai ofuscate. Totul decursese, \u00eens\u0103, decent \u015fi avantajos, p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd \u00eentr-o zi fratele meu \u00eel auzise pe B\u00eerfinski, pre\u015fedintele Info. Inc., coment\u00e2nd performan\u0163ele mele. <\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
\u2013L-ai v\u0103zut pe tipul \u0103la, F. Ort? Zici c\u0103 e un sf\u00e2rlez z\u0103p\u0103cit b\u0103gat la curent. Te obose\u015fte p\u00e2n\u0103 nu mai po\u0163i cu \u00eenv\u00e2rtelile \u015fi nici nu o nimere\u015fte mereu p-a bun\u0103…<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
Idee pe care fratele meu nu putea dec\u00e2t s\u0103 o adopte \u015fi s\u0103 mi-o bage pe g\u00e2t de fiecare dat\u0103 c\u00e2nd m\u0103 vedea \u00een mijlocul ac\u0163iunii.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
\u2013Fii atent la mine, F. Ort. Am stat \u015fi m-am g\u00e2ndit intens \u00een ultimul timp. E cazul s\u0103 te calmezi un pic. E cazul s\u0103 te a\u015fezi \u015fi tu la un loc. Am luat o hot\u0103r\u00e2re!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
\u015ei Prog Res p\u0103ru s\u0103 emit\u0103 unde de energie decisiv\u0103.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
\u2013Vom \u00eempu\u015fca doi iepuri dintr-un foc. F. Ort, am de g\u00e2nd s\u0103 facem alian\u0163\u0103 cu regatul vecin! O alian\u0163\u0103 \u00eentre tine \u015fi prin\u0163esa LeNe! Gata, am zis-o!<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
C\u00e2t m-am chinuit zilele urm\u0103toare, \u015fi nu am reu\u015fit s\u0103-l fac pe Prog Res s\u0103 se r\u0103zg\u00e2ndeasc\u0103.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
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Prin regatul nostru, nu se \u015ftiau multe despre \u0163ara vecin\u0103. Aparent acolo domnea o oarecare LeNe, personalitate omniprezent\u0103 \u015fi \u00een fa\u0163a c\u0103ruia se \u00eenchina \u00eentregul popor. Voiam s\u0103 m\u0103 conving singur de adev\u0103r; a\u015fa c\u0103 am l\u0103sat delega\u0163ia oficial\u0103 s\u0103 o ia \u00eenainte, eu–<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
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Mrs. T <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
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Mrs. T, dead at 82 due to choking unexpectedly with a Faber-Castell 0.7 mm 2B mechanical pencil lead while chewing on her favorite silver-blue writing instrument, was floating above the sky immaterially and indignantly<\/span> staring at the auction taking place hours only after her funeral, having no one in particular to complain to except her anthropomorphic fox-like original character that had brought her that immense fortune, Relniazis. <\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cYou see\u201d \u2013 she told her companion who was rather busy counting the hairs in this tail \u2013 \u201cwriting under a pen name can sometimes be quite problematic. Take me, for example; everybody seemed to think I was a 20-something year-old man writing teenage girl romances. Now they’re shocked to find out that I was just a granny who had discovered internet, memes and deviantart!\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
And shocked they were; for, upon finding out that their nana had manuscripts worth a few million dollars each, Mrs. T’s grandchildren had promptly started the auction for the entire household that they had inherited!<\/span><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span> <\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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Nick. Polo Nick<\/span><\/span> <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
Nick Polo, 46 de ani, eminent profesor de matematic\u0103, \u00eenr\u0103it juc\u0103tor de Spider Solitaire dificultate medie \u015fi, \u00een general, n\u0103uc la tot ceea ce \u00eensemna via\u0163\u0103 social\u0103 \u00een jurul s\u0103u, se afla tocmai la baza treptelor ce duceau c\u0103tre clasa a XII-a C (la care urma s\u0103 predea sumele Riemann \u00eentr-un mod ininteligibil), c\u00e2nd ceva \u00eei capt\u0103 aten\u0163ia. \u015ecoala era \u00een renovare; o mare parte din culoare erau inaccesibile elevilor; Nick \u00eens\u0103 optase \u00een mod special s\u0103 mearg\u0103 pe acea ramur\u0103 a \u015fcolii, pentru a arunca un ochi critic asupra lucr\u0103rilor. \u015ei critic avea s\u0103 fie; undeva \u00een perete, \u00eentr-un loc de unde se scosese un calorifer, r\u0103m\u0103sese o gaur\u0103 jenant\u0103, de vreo 2 centimetri \u00een diametru, prin care se putea vedea dincolo, c\u0103tre laboratoarele de chimie. Nick se aplec\u0103 \u015fi se uit\u0103 dezaprobator prin ea; timp de o secund\u0103 putu observa coridorul \u015fi sim\u0163i mirosul de clor, specific chimiei; \u00een secunda urm\u0103toare \u00eens\u0103, se sim\u0163i sorbit prin gaur\u0103 \u015fi adus \u00eentr-o dimensiune necunoscut\u0103.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
Mare amator de teorii ale conspira\u0163iei, Nick \u00eei identific\u0103 instant pe cei trei omule\u0163i fusiformi din fa\u0163a lui drept extratere\u015ftri. Cum \u00eens\u0103 suferea de un caz grav de prosopagnosia \u2013 inabilitatea de a re\u0163ine fe\u0163ele oamenilor \u2013 \u015fi \u00eenv\u0103\u0163ase s\u0103 compenseze acest dezavantaj prin asocieri \u015fi analogii, Nick \u00ee\u015fi suprasolicit\u0103 neuronii s\u0103 g\u0103seasc\u0103 o imagine potrivit\u0103 pentru trio. \u00cens\u0103 neuronii s\u0103i nu se puteau g\u00e2ndi la altceva dec\u00e2t la sumele Riemann \u015fi la curiozitatea intelectual\u0103 \u00een fa\u0163a rezolv\u0103rii problemelor ce necesitau aceste sume; a\u015fa c\u0103, \u00een subcon\u015fientul s\u0103u, \u00eei botez\u0103 pe cei trei extratere\u015ftri drept Sigma, Delta \u015fi Ksi. <\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
\u2013S\u0103 tr\u0103i\u0163i dom’ \u015fef, am captat subiectul! \u2013 \u00eei comunic\u0103 Sigma lui Ksi \u00eentr-un limbaj pe care, \u00een mod straniu, Nick \u00eel putu \u00een\u0163elege. Urmeaz\u0103 scanarea creierului, dup\u0103 care vom putea determina cu acurate\u0163e cantitatea de Esen\u0163\u0103 Uman\u0103 prezent\u0103 \u00een el.<\/span><\/div>\n
\u2013Dup\u0103 calculele mele, ar trebui s\u0103 fie un individ mediocru, cu–<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
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EXTRA: Ceva ce s-ar putea continua \u00eenc\u0103<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
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UAUIM, Bucure\u015fti, 9.01.2012, ora 17:37.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
Cursul de germana de anul \u00eent\u00e2i, sala C, G. M. Cantacuzino, etaj 2, l\u00e2ng\u0103 Catedra de Limbi str\u0103ine.<\/span><\/div>\n
Atmosfer\u0103 de somnolen\u0163\u0103. De pe b\u0103nci at\u00e2rn\u0103 foi, tuburi, plan\u015fete \u015fi teuri. Lini\u015fte perfect\u0103 \u00een timp ce o student\u0103 se preg\u0103te\u015fte s\u0103 prezinte un eseu. Brusc…<\/span><\/div>\n
Un student, ridic\u00e2ndu-se \u00eentr-o treime de secund\u0103:<\/span><\/div>\n
-Ich habe meine… \u0103la, cum se cheam\u0103… (gesticul\u00e2nd disperat) tub – TUBUL – (pauz\u0103 de c\u00e2teva secunde, aer dramatic) – L-AM UITAT!<\/span><\/div>\n
\u015ei, p\u00e2n\u0103 s\u0103 apuce cineva s\u0103 reac\u0163ioneze, Studentul ie\u015fi gonind din sal\u0103. <\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
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Era deja 17:38 c\u00e2nd Studentul se uit\u0103 la ceas; \u015ftia c\u0103 nu avea mult timp la dispozi\u0163ie. Tubul fusese l\u0103sat \u00een mod deliberat \u00eentr-unul dintre amfiteatre, pentru a bloca temporar un void spa\u0163ial care \u00eel urm\u0103rea de mult\u0103 vreme; cum \u00eens\u0103 voidul tindea s\u0103 se extind\u0103 geometric progresiv secund\u0103 de secund\u0103 \u015fi amenin\u0163a s\u0103 \u00eenghit\u0103 \u00eentreaga universitate (inclusiv sculptura inexplicabil\u0103 reprezent\u00e2nd dou\u0103 picioare imense de lemn din curtea interioar\u0103 de la parter), era clar c\u0103 nu exista alt\u0103 op\u0163iune dec\u00e2t asta \u2013 s\u0103 expulzeze voidul \u00eentr-un univers paralel neocupat. <\/span><\/div>\n
Din p\u0103ca<\/span>te, voidurile ajunse pe P\u0103m\u00e2nt au proasta inspira\u0163ie s\u0103 se personalizeze, prelu\u00e2nd din sentimentele existente \u00een jur. \u015ei, din p\u0103cate, UAUIM, ca orice universitate, furnizeaz\u0103 un nesf\u00e2r\u015fit stoc de frustr\u0103ri. <\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
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S-a \u00eentors abia \u00eentr-o jum\u0103tate de or\u0103, ro\u015fu tot. Avea tubul pe dup\u0103 um\u0103r, ca o bazooka, \u015fi aproape a l\u0103sat o tip\u0103 f\u0103r\u0103 cap c\u00e2nd \u015fi l-a dat jos. <\/span><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span> <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span> <\/span><\/div>\n

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