{"id":55,"date":"2012-10-22T20:21:00","date_gmt":"2012-10-22T17:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/maribranze.ro\/maribranze\/?p=55"},"modified":"2017-04-20T13:50:04","modified_gmt":"2017-04-20T10:50:04","slug":"ploaie-flori-si-icsi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.maribranze.ro\/maribranze\/ploaie-flori-si-icsi\/","title":{"rendered":"Ploaie, flori \u015fi ic\u015fi [Proz\u0103 scurt\u0103]"},"content":{"rendered":"
Cantitatea de ap\u0103 de ploaie pe metru p\u0103trat dep\u0103\u015fe\u015fte 20 de litri \u2013 nu c\u0103 num\u0103rul ar avea vreo relevan\u0163\u0103. Dec\u00e2t c\u0103 \u2013 printr-o soart\u0103 a ironiei sau o ironie a sor\u0163ii, care nu \u015ftiu exact \u2013 coincide \u00een perfect\u0103 concordan\u0163\u0103 cu ce mi-a zis ea diminea\u0163\u0103, dup\u0103 ce s-a uitat la meteo \u015fi mi-a aruncat umbrela \u00een bra\u0163e.<\/div>\n<\/p>\n
\u2013N-am nevoie s\u0103 car umbrel\u0103 \u2013 \u0163in minte c\u0103 i-am zis \u2013 nu m\u0103 ud\u0103 pe mine doi stropi; \u2013 replic\u0103 la care ea m-a avertizat cu un \u201eFaci ce vrei\u201d, \u015fi ce am vrut am f\u0103cut.<\/div>\n
Acum sunt leoarc\u0103 \u015fi sictiresc prospectul \u00eentoarcerii acas\u0103, unde o s\u0103 aud criticile ei referitoare la cum fiecare dintre cei doi stropi incorporeaz\u0103 un volum de zece litri. Clar, sunt un om terminat; trebuie neap\u0103rat s\u0103 g\u0103sesc o cale s\u0103 o distrag de la dez-terminarea mea.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Intru \u00eentr-o flor\u0103rie. Apare v\u00e2nz\u0103toarea \u2013 scund\u0103, rotund\u0103, ro\u015fcat\u0103, cu ochelari \u015fi halat alb; probabil c\u0103 Dexter a \u00eencercat un experiment de schimbare a sexului \u00een laboratorul lui.<\/div>\n
\u2013V\u0103 ajut cu ceva, domnu’? m\u0103 \u00eentreab\u0103 ea pe un ton tocilar, d\u00e2ndu-se la mine; \u00eei murmur un \u201edeocamdat\u0103 doar m\u0103 uitam\u201d.<\/div>\n
\u015ei chiar m\u0103 uit \u015fi analizez specimenele regnului <\/span>Plantae <\/span>prezente; toate cuno\u015ftin\u0163ele mele referitoare la ele se reduc la biologia de clasa a V-a \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at\u0103 cu vreo dou\u0103 decenii \u00een urm\u0103, sub teroarea unei anumite profesoare p\u0103tr\u0103\u0163oase Lighean.<\/span><\/div>\n
Cinci secunde \u015fi m\u0103 declar \u00eenvins.<\/div>\n
\u2013Vreau s\u0103 cump\u0103r o floare \u2013 \u00eei zic v\u00e2nz\u0103toarei.<\/div>\n
Dexterina, c\u0103tre sine: \u201e\u015ei eu care credeam c\u0103 a venit pentru piele de elefant!\u201d; c\u0103tre mine: \u201e\u00cen ce scop?\u201d.<\/div>\n
\u2013Tre’ s\u0103 fac un cadou.<\/div>\n
\u2013Cui, dac\u0103 nu v\u0103 sup\u0103ra\u0163i?<\/div>\n
\u2013Neveste-mii.<\/div>\n
\u2013Sunte\u0163i cu ea de mult timp?<\/div>\n
\u2013De trei ani.<\/span><\/div>\n
C\u0103tre sine, Dexterina: \u201eS\u0103raca!\u201d; c\u0103tre mine apoi:<\/div>\n
\u2013\u015ei cam ce flori \u00eei plac?<\/div>\n
\u2013C\u00e2t mai florale posibil!<\/div>\n
\u2013V-a vorbit vreodat\u0103 de vreo preferin\u0163\u0103?<\/div>\n
\u2013Probabil, dar cred c\u0103 am o tent\u0103 de Alzheimer.<\/div>\n
\u2013V-a\u0163i g\u00e2ndit m\u0103car vreodat\u0103 c\u0103 e o informa\u0163ie destul de important\u0103 s\u0103 o stoca\u0163i \u00een memoria de lung\u0103 durat\u0103?<\/div>\n
\u2013Nu, de ce ar avea vreo semnifica\u0163ie?!<\/div>\n
\u2013Ru\u015fine s\u0103 v\u0103 fie!<\/div>\n
Dexterinei \u00eei e mil\u0103 de mine. \u00cemi trag nasul afectat.<\/div>\n
\u2013Acas\u0103 ave\u0163i flori? m\u0103 \u00eentreab\u0103.<\/div>\n
\u2013N-am.<\/div>\n
\u2013Niciuna niciuna?<\/div>\n
\u2013Am plante, dar nu plante cu flori.<\/div>\n
\u2013Plante verzi, de birou, atunci, da?<\/div>\n
\u2013C\u0103 doar n-or fi albastre de lustr\u0103!<\/div>\n
\u2013\u015eti\u0163i ce? Eu zic mai bine s\u0103-i lua\u0163i un buchet de trandafiri ro\u015fii! V\u0103 dau la el \u015fi o fund\u0103 elegant\u0103, roz, cu stria\u0163ii.<\/div>\n
\u2013Doamne ia-m\u0103, am oroare de \u0163epi!<\/div>\n
\u2013De garoafe atunci? Avem de toate culorile\u2013<\/div>\n
\u2013\u0102lea ce sunt? zic, ar\u0103t\u00e2nd cu degetul \u00eenspre ni\u015fte flori mirositoare r\u0103u.<\/div>\n
\u2013Frezii! S\u0103 v\u0103 dau un buchet?<\/div>\n
\u2013Nu, neveste-mii nu-i plac florile la buchet, nu \u015ftiu de ce. Pune-le \u00een ghiveci!<\/div>\n
\u2013Domnu’, n-are rost s\u0103 le pun a\u015fa. Deja sunt t\u0103iate, se usuc\u0103!<\/div>\n
Frate, ce m\u0103 obose\u015fte Dexterina asta! M\u0103 \u00eendrept spre un raft cu \u00eengr\u0103\u015f\u0103m\u00e2nt cu un X pe el.<\/div>\n
\u2013\u0102sta c\u00e2t e?<\/div>\n
\u201320 de lei.<\/div>\n
\u2013A\u015fa scuuump?! Flor\u0103ria asta nu \u015ftie c\u0103 e criz\u0103?<\/div>\n
\u2013Flor\u0103ria noastr\u0103 <\/span>NU<\/span>abordeaz\u0103 m\u0103suri economice anti-ciclice.<\/span><\/div>\n
\u2013\u00cel iau, atunci! Poftim banii.<\/div>\n
\u2013V\u0103 dau \u015fi fund\u0103 la sticl\u0103?<\/div>\n
\u2013Da, albastru de metil cu pic\u0103\u0163ele.<\/div>\n
Dexterina produce materialul cerut. Colectez cadoul, mul\u0163umit.<\/div>\n
\u2013Salut\u0103 pe DeeDee din partea mea! zic; \u015fi ies \u00een ploaie.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Ea m\u0103 a\u015fteap\u0103 d\u00e2ndu-\u015fi ochii peste cap la semafor, cu o umbrel\u0103 \u00een plus. \u00cemi revendic drepturile \u015fi trec \u00een st\u00e2nga ei.<\/div>\n
\u2013\u0162i-am luat ceva, s\u0103 \u015ftii! \u2013 \u015fi \u00eei dau cadoul.<\/div>\n
\u2013Mul\u0163umescu-\u0163i pentru gest, dragule; \u015fi ce m\u0103 fac cu acest ceva?<\/div>\n
\u2013\u00cengr\u0103\u015f\u0103m\u00e2nt pentru plante! Nu zici tu mereu c\u0103 vrei s\u0103 fie mari \u015fi verzi?<\/div>\n
\u2013Nu e \u00eengr\u0103\u015f\u0103m\u00e2nt, e otrav\u0103 contra p\u0103duchilor de mu\u015fcate.<\/div>\n
\u2013Cum?! De unde \u015fi p\u00e2n\u0103 unde?<\/div>\n
\u2013Are un X mare pe etichet\u0103, vezi? X-ul \u0103la \u00eenseamn\u0103 moarte.<\/div>\n
Oftez profund; niciodat\u0103 nu fac ce trebuie.<\/div>\n
\u2013De\u015fi \u2013 continu\u0103 ea, ignor\u00e2ndu-mi dezam\u0103girea \u2013 o s-o p\u0103strez pentru data viitoare c\u00e2nd pleci f\u0103r\u0103 umbrel\u0103.<\/div>\n
Data viitoare o s\u0103 m\u0103 documentez din timp s\u0103 aflu ce flori \u00eei plac.<\/div>\n

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\n<\/em>Scrisa in aprilie 2010. Imaginea e de pe clker.com
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

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